Bookclub session 8/8/99
The Side Discussion
'The Physics of Sex'
Parental Discretion advised!
About sex: What is sex? Is oral sex sex? Is there a distinction between
intercourse and a sexual relationship? (Example: Clinton)
About cheating: What is cheating? Is reading Playboy cheating? (one woman
said: yes) Is Pay by Phone sex cheating? If no, is it because it's with a
stranger? Is sex with an acquaintance by phone okay then?
(another woman wondered): If a man masturbates, is that cheating? (common
answer: no.) What if a man masturbates so often that he can't come as many times
with his girlfriend anymore, is that wrong? (common answer: yes.)
(women questioned): Is there such a thing as a multi-orgasmic male? How many
times can an average man come, anyway? Do men mind if women fake? Women would
mind if men did. But men can also enjoy (sex) without coming, can't they?
(Men wondered): Do women enjoy giving 'oral sex'? Answers: were quite
divided.
(The women again): What is going further, as in what requires more intimacy
or comfort/trust? Oral sex or intercourse? Answers: oral sex (2 men and 2
women); intercourse (one woman).
For men - is intercourse more satisfying/enjoyable than oral sex? Answers:
again diverse, one vote for intercourse and one for 'it depends' (receiving oral
sex may be more enjoyable but it's not enough).
What % of men enjoy receiving oral sex vs. the % women enjoy giving oral sex?
Hm, 69 may be a good compromise.
Is it easier for men to separate feelings from the act? Answers: Men are more
upset if women have sex with someone else. Women are more upset if men are in
love with someone else even if not having sex. However, it seems that both women
& men expect men to separate feelings from the act.
How about emotional sex? As in dreams, fantasies? More common answer:
"It's good, healthy". But one answer was also: "It's
cheating".
What about passion, being "in love", the "sizzle": As
long as it was there once, it's easy to come back to it, so it's worth putting
in the effort to regain it.
(Women:) Do men have a fear of commitment? It seems many men these days are
never really "ready" for commitment. (Men:) Well, it seems that there
is a biological tendency for men not to commit to one women, as it is advantageous
for a man to have sex with as many women as possible to maximize the number of
his children. Whereas, the biological tendency for women has been to find a man
who would be there to provide for her and the child. Of course, these tendencies
do not necessarily reflect today's societies. (Women:) Men commonly have more
concerns with lifestyle changes related to making commitment.
About relationship outcomes: People tend to rationalize on relationship
outcomes. When it works out: "It knew that was it, that it was going to
last." When it didn't: "I knew it, I had doubts to begin with."
What is a soul mate? Twin souls, sibling souls in love or in a tight bond? Is
sexual interest a factor in soul mates? i.e., can same gender people be soul
mates?
Is the idea of one soul mate detrimental to a healthy relationship? One man
answered:
Likely. Many relationships don't get a chance because people have movie-like
unrealistic expectations. Another man commented: You know, like in a
movie-theatre, it would be nice to have clear exit signs
to a relationship in real life.
As life sometimes treats
you (paraphrasing Paul): "Every morning I imagine I'll meet the right woman
today... and every night I go to bed
disappointed."
